Work
I messed up at work by putting my reputation in line. Hanging out with a bunch of real nice people of my age. Well…due all respect, this became a fact which was accepted through out my bunch of nice people and everyone around me. But, I love the job and I loved everything in it. Most of all, I admired my establishment there. I was happy with everything despite the pathetic and irrational boss.
I stepped out of it for the sake of life and my career. Walked into the room filled with diamonds, glowing so bright that my eyes are blinded by it. Despite the dirty politics, internal affairs and the stress, I still wake up everyday and go to work. I stand in the dark, high above everyone. Sometime, I even doubt if this is where I belong. Making my people proud, establishing milestones, I am running faster up the ladder, despite how weak the ladder is.
I ask the question, do I enjoy then or now? Is it important to enjoy? Is rupsy a higher risk than cockroach killer? What is more vital, me being proud of myself or the people around me being proud of me? Is it important for the nation to see me or just the insiders to see me? Was my messed up career better than the blossoming awesome career of mine?
Personal Life
Wake up in time, cook, laundry, love, care and income, everything and more a women can give to a men…I gave except for time and commitment. Not to justify myself, but I can only do a role of women and my complain is having to do both. Anyways I was happy then. Blossoming. Hopeful. But obviously for issues, it didn’t work out.
Circle of friends was much brighter. Laugh, coffee, love, share, care, arms, trips, hangouts and everything that cheered up your day. This is where you get to compromise your reputation and pride in order to feel childish and young again.
Life changed from upside down. Caught back lost pride and many other. Suddenly, I miss the warm body next to mine. I miss the good all arguments and the opposites. I miss the womanhood. But I feel young and less stressed. I feel good for where my life stands.
Things shuffled. I went from the lap to the girl sleeping in innocence. Suddenly, I am out of crowd. I miss the good old coffee, breakfasts and the plans that never work out. I miss not being the supervisor. I miss our acceptance on all the forbidden sins.
I ask the question was then a better compromise than this? Is pride so important to be worrying over who you date? Is respect and love so important than being a disappointment? Is a new unacceptable boyfriend better than a almost gay, too reputable and loved boyfriend better than a mad husband, unhappy parents and the coolest collection of friends?
Social Life
Stupid mistakes of being young and not balancing where I hold myself in the social ladder is a mistake I’ve repeated far more times than I can count. Regrets are having to enjoy a social life in a place where sociology is nothing but television and coffee. It was less painful to see loved ones pour tears over seeing a shadow grow darker.
I woke up on morning, cleaned myself inside out. Determined than ever to maintain the class and reputation in which I was brought up on. Stronger than before, grew in large and I caught the string of wire at the end. Cleaned the messed up wires and made it a clean roll that had no loose ends or tangled knots.
I ask the question, is the spot light that glows in me as beautiful and stunning as it looks? Is it worth, the trust and reputation? Are the sacrifices and compromises worth the social status that we all have craved for?
Better or Worse?
I wonder where the balance of happiness and good times cut off? Then or now? I stand to be a better woman today with less of betterment and smiles. Good time during which there was too much of garbage gathered in a huge garbage bag. Better time during which there are too much of garbage around yet, it is a social crime to collect them and make a clean environment. Either way, there is no win win situation. Because in this small place, you either get a fairy tale ending or a top selling biography, you don’t get to sell your life in two different shelves of the bookshop.
No comments:
Post a Comment