The gift

As easy as a knock on the apartment door, I received the gift that surprised me. A gift that I have longed for ever since I could think on my mind. I can’t be any happier. I felt complete. I knew it’s the moment that everything else is going to be alright. But it didn't take seconds to make me vanish into the world of confusion.

But…The delivery was through post when I accept no gift by any postman. I want it personally delivered to me. Principles set by self, ancestors, society and more, traps my mind between what I want and what I can have.

And now it scares me, breaks me into pieces wondering if I am to accept this when it’s from post. I really can’t help thinking if there is a way to go blind and see past the fact that it’s through post.

Post has not only ruined the beauty of traditional love, but also the wrapping. God! I hate the stamps they ought to put on the gift. I really wish if our principles were not that strong. I really wish to go in disguise, whatever it takes, for me to have this mesmerizing gift opened.
And now I sit here with the most awesome gift of a lifetime, wondering if I am strong enough to let go everything I ever dreamt of. I wander around thinking if there is a way for me to see the delivery mode or the wrapping. This makes me drool like there is a tasty bowl of Hagen Daz ice cream in front of me.

Part of me says… choose not to. Choose not to ruin everything I have by losing my conscious over diamonds and pearls. Part of me says… choose to. Choose to have what you can, while you live and when you can. I am happy yet sad. I am complete yet empty. I am confused and dazed.

Continuous blood rush that runs through my vein yet so warm. A trembling feet that could barely hold me up. Lost could be the perfect word to describe me. My mind speaks a different language than my body.

I so want to open the gift and keep staring at the beauty for the rest of my life.

Honeymoon Phase

In my definition, honeymoon phase is the early stage of any relationship when you are so blinded by attraction, whereby in your eyes you see nothing but perfection.

You mess up your priorities for awhile and enjoy the presence of each other like there is no tomorrow. You show off to people around you, that you are so grateful to have him beside you and it is like a trophy you won at some Olympics. You know everyone’s annoyed of the fact that he can’t keep his hands or eyes off of you, but you think it’s extremely sweet. You know you don’t believe in RnB but you have been listening to RnB all week long.

You sleep so comfortably next to him and you barely hear his snore or feel his bony arms because the warmth of his breath makes your life accompanied. You don’t see the need to colour the black and white picture because in your eyes, it’s so colourful.

Flowers that overflow of which pollen’s unharmed. Your palm’s never empty and kisses that shower you with warmth and happiness. He would make everything in the world look alright. You wouldn’t even think it’s natural to rain tomorrow. Thunders are made romantic and everything bad disappears.

Waking up to the same person beside you over and over isn’t overwhelming but a breath of fresh air because you are reminded over and over again that for the rest of your life, you will never ever be alone to bare joy or grief. Grieves are twice as easy to get over and joys are twice as joyous for the rest of your life, and it is a happy thought to get your day started.

Being the girlfriend, fiancée or wife is never a fulltime job but it is a hobby. You love to see him eye you sexily while you cook, do your laundry or clean. Complaint isn’t what your words but smile; it is in return for his compliments for you being the best women ever.

We are so young that we loose our sense of maturity and enjoy every day of life like we would never be old enough to not love this much.

But in reality, it is natural to slowly realize his bony arms, or the colourless pictures, or that he’s a handful or the fact that we will grow old someday. It is the circle of relationship for any girl to get bored of unattended many duties or messing up the neatly kept house.

Nonetheless, I wish to change the well known philosophy and prove the world that the cycle of relationship could linger its honeymoon phase for a lifetime. *Fingers Crossed* ;)

Ramadan Allowance

As a fan of social media and hr professional last year what bothered me most in regard to Ramadan allowance was the employment bill and the concerns of social workers. Twits kept flowing of how unfair the Ramadan allowance was. Ramadan Allowance became the topics of coffee where solutions were discussed.

Employment bill states that “Each employee is entitled to a sum of money no less than one third of his monthly salary as a Ramadan bonus, payable before the beginning of Ramadan” (chapter 4 clause 51). However it also states a number of people exempted from this chapter (chapter 4 clauses 34).

Ramadan allowance is a full hearted allowance given for the benefit of the employees to celebrate the holy month of Ramadan. And I strongly believe that it is not fair for Parliament Members to receive more than MRF 20,000.00 and expats (especially believers of other gods) to receive significantly higher allowance than colleagues who actually should be getting the benefits of the holy month of Ramadan.

The constitution of Maldives states that “Every individual is equal before and under the law, and has the right to the equal protection and equal benefit of the law.” (Clause 20).

Given the constitution of Maldives and the employment act I stand on my idea of equal Ramadan allowance for all Maldivians.

It is shamed that most decision makers are blinded by the cash value they will receive for Ramadan allowance in making the decision of Ramadan allowance. These figures do not allow them to think beyond the employment act for the benefit of lower level colleagues.

Average 1/3 of salaries of locals are approximately MRF 2,000.00. However the very seniors in an entity receive approximately MRF 5,000.00 if 1\3 of the salary is given as Ramadan allowance.

Average 1/3 of salary of a professional expatriate (despite religion) receives approximately MRF 4,000.00 if Ramadan allowance is given as per employment act alone. However, solely as per employment act, the lowest rank of civil servants gets merely MRF 1,000.00 as Ramadan allowance.

Ramadan is a month whereby most citizens renovate their homes, buy new kitchen appliances and spend 50% more on food and groceries. However the well off require less renovation in their houses while the normal people require big time renovations. Fruits is daily refreshed in the refrigerators of well offs while the normal people would like to have lots of fresh fruit drinks (which is classified as a luxury in their normal living) during Ramadan. So what justifies the well off being given a higher Ramadan Allowance than the normal people?

Plus this idea isn’t going to boost the budget consumption either. If the most senior staff receives MRF 10,000.00 for Ramadan Allowance and the lowest rank staffs receive MRF 1,000.00 and if there is 2 senior staffs (same salary) and 3 lower rank staffs (same salary). You can still total up and take the average for Ramadan allowance. In the above mention case Ramadan Allowance for all staffs will be MRF 4,600.00 making the budget being consumed at the budgeted rate or less.

I say why can't all HR professionals for once look into the exemptions (including "verin") in employment act and look in to the equality clause in the constitution and make your very executive decision makers understand this. I repeat EQUAL RAMADAN ALLOWANCE for all citizens. For once this might be a wise reason to drag your company into employment tribunal even if a senior complains.

Whats next?

I dunno why but it's my unconsciousness mind that acts like a magnet when it comes to Ross. Well...that's what he said. "we would never be hopeless just like Ross and Rachel". Ohh!!! I wish.

Only if our culture allowed us to have no stakeholders in our lives like the Europeans. Only if we never did all what we did in the short heartbeat of hatred. Only if we acted after the million thoughts that crossed our minds. Only if I had not recovered in a figure way and only if you looked back.

Everyday is a day I wonder what's next for us? Every hour is an hour I wonder what if? Every second is a second I wonder why is this happening?

With the pace of time how could we ever undo? With the forces of nature how could we ever laugh and smile like we used to? With the nature of life how could we be young again.

I can write and it still leaves me blank so, I leave my questions for fate to work it out! God doesn't let down the followers,

Where are we going?

When you are with someone, you do not assume but you assure that both of you are going to the same place. Despite, where it is? How you go there? When you go there? It doesn't matter, as long as you both are going to the same place at the same time.

It is a pity if you have to assume. It is heartbreaking if you are not and it is worse if you wish.

Lately, I have been dating this perfect person. He is a one in a million in my society. I should be very thankful and lucky to be with such a person. But what hurts is that I do not get the rush of hype running down my blood for being his partner.

Are we going to the same place? I assumed all the way. Yes we were. But I'm afraid that we were heading there at two different pace. I am very close Tom my destination when I could hardly see a mirage of him behind me. And then I wish. Ouch!!!

I am still trying. This is a chance that I wish to take. This is a risk I want to conquer. This is a courageous trip where I don't have a roadmap to the destination. Everyday is a scary day, where I wonder if I have to swim across rivers. Everyday is a vague day where hail, snow and fog blocks my way. It is of great difficulty to look back but how do I know if my man is catching up to me. It is of pain to look behind because the I might be dreaming a nightmare. It is hard to look back because the real thing is really close to me.

Apart from the journey, there are million other worries that makes me loose hope of living the purpose of life. Where's the life I deserve? Is the destination what I have longed for? Would I be haunted again and again in there...

And today is a day that I regret wishing. I regret how vague life could be? I regret my mistaken attractions that always make me loose my path to destination. But I am enthused with hope, even if I don't have. I have my palm held hold with a little hope and faith that I won't let go because that's the only thing that will get meto where I want to go.

And I ask now, darling, please run fast, so you can catch up with me and see our family and friends welcome us to the destination hence they are already there.

Ian, Apple of my eye

For the first time in my life the below phrase meant truly and deeply

"You have lit a fire within me, burn it or freeze it...I will still love you the same"

My nephew was born on 1st January 2010, when everything else went blank to me. I was in a state where nothing else matter. Simply I didn't care.

He was so tiny yet so big in my heart. He was friendly and lovable in my heart. He was cute yet very smart in my heart. He was so cool yet so warm in my heart. He is a breath of fresh air to everyone around him. He is an enlightenment that has touched us so deeply.

Every time I hear him cry, he breaks my heart. I might spoil another human being for the first time. But he is so precious he deserves it in a beautiful way.

Every time he laughs, he makes my heart glow. I will be the best aunt, sister and friend to him, because he deserves.

Ian is the best thing that happened to me, my brother and sister-in-law and the rest of the family. We will love him till our last breath

If only I could twit in China

23.05.2010 13:42 Arrived at VIP lounge at Beijing airport and yet I don't feel the VIP vibe around me.

23.05.2010 15:57 Checked into Beijing Hotel and off to see Dhonbetha, @Mizna, Naakko and Beyma.

23.05.2010 18:14 back at hotel n I really need to take a nap now

23.05.2010 20:47 oops...I shouldn't sleep till it goes away cuss I got to recover from jet leg.

23.05.2010 21:24 dinner in McDonalds with the Boss

23.05.2010 23:46 trying my a** off to sleep so I can be up at 3am my local time.

24.05.2010 00:07 only if you could hear my thoughts, you'd know how much I worry.

24.05.2010 09:24 finally I get the wifi connection I have been looking for? But damn...all social media networks are blocked in china.

24.05.2010 09:25 #Asiamediasummit2010 pre workshop commences.

24.05.2010 09:37 the marine biologist keeps an eye for me.

24.05.2010 11:34 @azeentey I miss Ian, u and @naziya big time.

24.05.2010 12:07 eeeeekh! Lunch seems weird. Maybe I should take some to my room and cook before I eat them.

24.05.2010 15:43 I was so right about the dolphin lover.

24.05.2010 16:40 I text "dating a man my father's age only works on movies and when it's Harrison ford or George clooney at the other end...nor other way around"

24.05.2010 17:05 my group seems really kewl. It's snacks again after the session.

24.05.2010 17:58 china has a good subway! N oh god! The stairs in subway is something u all gotta try before a hajj

24.05.2010 20:35 catching up with my community in China after having Mexican food with @Mizna

24.05.2010 22:57 off to bed!!!

25.05.2010 07:45 damn!! I am up later than I expected.

25.05.2010 08:35 #Asiamediasummit2010 begins. Our state minister is going to address the participants.

25.05.2010 09:03 Uncle stops by. Sleepy session this was.

25.05.2010 12:46 ohhh the loakuda person in our lunch table is nuts.

25.05.2010 13:56 yay!!!! I located the lost suit.

25.05.2010 16:14 an interesting speech been addressed on #Asiamediasummit2010 n I get the credits for it :)

25.05.2010 18:04 straight from the session to dinner and orchestra. Wish I could get dressed...it's overwhelming to be in suit all day long.

25.05.2010 19:45 m so full from the dinner but am amazed with the architecture of where is stand. #NCPA

25.05.2010 21:13 orchestra made me drool...it's kewl. Never expected this from myself.

25.05.2010 21:39 the orchestra conductor speaks a whole language! But I appreciate the talent today.

25.05.2010 22:36 does all musician has to be in love to write a love song

25.05.2010 22:57 off to bed! Goodnight tweeps.

26.05.2010 06:30 great! Up on time!!!

26.05.2010 08:32 on the secret WiFi spot waiting for @mondhu and them.

26.05.2010 10:46 oh lord!!! M haunted by the Chinese at the lunch table

26.05.2010 12:39 lunch time rest.

26.05.2010 14:28 am I lonely???

26.05.2010 18:02 Mr. T officially closes the #Asiamediasummit2010

26.05.2010 18:54 at AIBD EGM

26.05.2010 19:43 trying my magic with a girl in regard to my Beijing arrangements. Hope it works!

26.05.2010 20:03 hanging out with the bosses including @Mondhu at wanfuixing

26.05.2010 22:06 at #Starbuckswith @Mondhu n other bosses.

26.05.2010 22:43 off to bed. Goodnight tweeps.

27.05.2010 08:40 breakfast with all for the first time in china.

27.05.2010 09:16 off to dhonbe's place... Today is the full day with the family in China

27.05.2010 09:54 yay lee wins! Yay!!! #americanidol #lee must be trending now!

27.05.2010 10:24 neither @Mizna or dhonbetha is home, so m just chilling in here.

27.05.2010 13:04 very weird bt m having a dhivehi lunch

27.05.2010 13:14 teaching the "get vun" slang to dhonbetha and dhonbe. Hehe!!!

27.05.2010 15:03 off I go shopping n "out" with @Mizna n Naakko.

27.05.2010 15:42 at cinema to watch #ironman2

27.05.2010 17:23 phone buzzes #Daniel n m excited :@

27.05.2010 18:26 grabbing a coffee at #starbucks before we had to get home.

27.05.2010 19:37 did I mention the longest Escalator

27.05.2010 19:57 watching American idol...

27.05.2010 22:38 I don't like attention and that's why I hate birthdays. :) that's @iyya_e's opposite

27.05.2010 23:55 birthday gets closer and a pre wish from @bambuscky

28.05.2010 00:00 it's my birthday and the first one to wish is @Mondhu

28.05.2010 08:03 many smses that I had received overnight

28.05.2010 08:22 boss gives me my first birthday gift n it's an iPad coverr. #bestbossever

28.05.2010 09:09 gets the good news of that Zil in is labour. N I said it's a great day to give birth

28.05.2010 09:23 at CCTV

28.05.2010 09:34 meets Shen, another birthday girl

28.05.2010 10:07 CCTV VP gives me a birthday gift. M

28.05.2010 10:23 am off to hotel and all I could think off is turning 26

28.05.2010 11:34 checked out #Beijing hotel and am off to dhonbetha's place.

28.05.2010 13:37 lunch at dhonbetha's hotel like Monica in friend says...

28.05.2010 14:12 off to xidan. It's one hell of shopping.

28.05.2010 16:14 trying one by one. Hands full of lpbags.

28.05.2010 18:28 off we go home. There is plans for TGI today. Reminds me of London and Daniel.

28.05.2010 18:49 why didn't I call @Mizna mizdhatha? #questionoftheday

28.05.2010 19:56 dinner with dhonbe, dhonbetha, Naakko, Beyma and @Mizna

28.05.2010 20:58 m all full from TGI food n thanks to dhonbetha, she treats me a starbuck's coffee too

28.05.2010 21:26 yay!!!! Thanks @Mizna and dhonbetha for arranging a lil cake thing. My birthday cake is from haagen daz

28.05.2010 22:14 I am known as a harbor manager for playing too much harbor master on my iPad.

28.05.2010 22:48 can my birthday be any better. @azeentey @mannnau u can take a challenge against the Beijing group when I return.

28.05.2010 23:57 alright! It's time to believe I am 26 and £|€|#!]*>~%!}+!{%!~*!~>?}*~<

29.05.2010 07:02 morning Beijing!!!

29.05.2010 08:38 off to some children day celebration. Hope this is gonna be fun

29.05.2010 10:07 the kids are running all around. Waiting for more people to get the show going.

29.05.2010 11:26 fantastic moves. :$ I dunno to appreciate gymnastic as I am not a huge fan of that.

29.05.2010 14:38 more shopping here and there...

29.05.2010 20:57 dinner at #subway

29.05.2010 23:47 can't sleep but I got an early day scheduled.

30.05.2010 06:12 up! Morning!!!

30.05.2010 09:16 On my way to great wall of china. Makes me realize how much I've missed my iPod.

30.05.2010 09:32 Why can everyone who have gone through a separation can easily agree with ayaa???

30.05.2010 10:34 YOO HOO!!!! Great wall of CHina. Can't have enough of posing here...

30.05.2010 10:46 wish to walk across the great wall of china. Would be a great expedition right???

30.05.2010 11:49 telling the great wall story to all. :D

31.05.2010 10:06 out with #dhonbetha.

31.05.2010 11:27 at costa coffee dater shopping. She's a great aunt in law. Love her...XXOO

31.05.2010 11:36 life isn't easy for any of us. If it is...you've never seen life at all

31.05.2010 12:16 at apple store. I see an exact replica of the main apple shop in London. Steve jobs makes me miss Daniel Johns.

31.05.2010 13:14 lunch at home...

31.05.2010 16:38 hanging out with dhonbetha and @Mizna. It's fun fun fun!!!

31.05.2010 19:06 we made dhonbetha buy full box set of brothers and sisters and I bet she ain't gonna regret it

31.05.2010 19:10 ohhhhh!!! Silk street is the best of people like me...I mean people who like bags!!!

31.05.2010 20:57 buying Mexican food again. Quesadilla's are sooooo fine.

31.05.2010 22:32 off to bed I go. Goodnight!!!

31.05.2010 22:46 ohhh I miss @azeentey @naziya and all at family, @mannnau @thompey and all at rani group, @iyya_e @nyklus @Daniel and the gang and of course @bambuscky

01.06.2010 10:37 grocery shopping at #walmart...

01.06.2010 13:12 saying bye-bye to #Naakko

01.06.2010 13:20 off to wanfuixing to buy beymma some hot packs.

01.06.2010 18:35 dinner....this time it's Thai. A million thanks to dhonbe and dhonbetha for making this article and mostly myself feel like I was at a five star hotel. Love u guys...

01.06.2010 20:23 watching prince of Persia.

01.06.2010 20:47 never thought Jake as a sexy figure until now...

01.06.2010 22:17 only if destiny works as in movies...

01.06.2010 22:26 waiting for pick up ride near boaburi...i mean Burberry.

01.06.2010 22:46 I feel like I am traveling abroad in the 1960s and it ain't a 100% bad feeling.

02.06.2010 09:36 @Mizna is doing a good job doing beymma's packing.

02.06.2010 10:02 last minute shopping at silk street.

02.06.2010 12:07 lunch....

02.06.2010 12:35 off to airport we go.

02.06.2010 14:10 bye-bye Beijing... I'd be back with the real Twitter soon :)

When its time to say I do!!!

It’s the lovely normal night when you both have finished work late. With few pending work left the guy carries on to go and drop the girl home. Knowing you both haven’t taken dinner, he proposes to go and have some Italian dishes (your favourite) and takes you to a low profile restaurant whereby you both are less focused at. She appreciates his initiative and he likes to take care of her. Simply Wow!!

It’s an off day for both of you. She does her errands and so does he. But they make plans to catch up for sole errands and do something they both love to do. Before the end of the day she laughs and he feels happy laying out a small note that makes memory. Simply Sweeeeettttt!!!!

It’s your anniversary. One year of great companionship. He goes and chooses an electronic business card holder as his partner is a career woman and loves to be organized. She goes and picks up an electronic key chain as he always misplaces the keys before heading out. She knows what he wants and he knows what she would enjoy. Simply Awww!!!

He looks into her eyes and knows when she deserves the words “you are beautiful” and she looks into his eyes and knows when he desperately wants an arm and words “everything is gonna be alright”. They walk down the riverside and it’s amazingly coincidence that they both felt like saying he magic words. Simply Perfect!!!

It’s your first vacation together. Shopping seems to be something you both like to do together. While you still give each other space when he reads and she watches TV. Simply Cool!!

It’s your wedding day and that’s the only day on this planet for you that nothing else matter. No matter how screwed up the planning is, he still doesn’t care because today onwards he wouldn’t have to worry if pizza boy will deliver his pizza even if it rains. No matter how cheesy she looked in that descent motherly dress, she still doesn’t care because today onwards she will never be sad, at least alone. Simply Phew!

Un-mutual feeling!

It’s a mistake, I wouldn’t say. It’s a misunderstanding I wouldn’t say. It’s a pity you act like you haven’t lost anything. More, it’s a pity I feel the exact opposite. And most, I feel ashamed to be feeling what I am feeling right now.

Why did I cry every other day? Why did I look around to not see the greatest smiles that make me go nuts? Why did I want to talk to someone and that someone was either my blog, twitter account or my ceiling. Why nothing else did seem the same?

What I lost is the joy that cherishes me despite pride, class and status. Even though you complain a million times for being the best daughter or best sister or best professional, I still balanced a late night coffee with an early breakfast with brother or not being late to office.

Lost…is the strength, guidance, advice, friend and more. Missed…is the fun, love, support, truth and more. What’s been stolen is the reality.

Why doesn’t this make sense? Why do I feel disturbed to miss you? Why does it feel like I am the only one who lost anything? I am just very afraid to hear the answers, when you say it doesn’t matter how many times I gave up pride, responsibility, maturity, job, family and beliefs, just for you? I shiver to hear you say, what the hell, she is just very complicated. I hesitate to hear you say, it didn’t matter the sleepless nights, when we made your dreams come true. I melt down to earth, knowing I am still lost when I lost you! And more I disappear down to earth, knowing it’s a sole feeling that I possessed for the last three years.