Walk Away!

This is going to do harm for so many people, yet I have gone painless in this regard. This is going to be very difficult to digest yet I have gone so comfortable I feel like I have an invitation to threesome.

When there is something to be talked about, I talk. When there is something to be acted upon, I act. When there is something to walk away from, I walk away.

My friend’s are priceless to me. But what when they don’t understand? Moreover, what when they really understand everything else from the bottom of their heart and I am self portrayed as the girl who doesn’t have emotions and should be ok with sleeping with you today and sleeping with your husband tomorrow? Is that why nothing really matters?

My friend says I don’t understand? Is that because I do not go nuts over my problems. I don’t cry on your shoulder because only thing we enjoy in everyone’s presence is fun. But hey, let’s look at the real picture. You don’t know my tolerance. You don’t know my weakness. You don’t know what I have been through. Just because I don’t dig through my mistakes, miseries and fuckups, that seriously does not mean that I lived the perfect life. I don’t! But I accept it. I know weeping through it wouldn’t make anything better, not today not tomorrow.

With all that, you have all taken me for granted! I, who will be ok with what you want. I, who will be ok with what you wear. I, who will be ok with what you say. I, who will be ok with anything. But this time my friend I said it then and I would say it again and again.

Did I ever tell you guys to decide something clueless for me, but I kept on mumbling about this one thing. How much I hate you being around him? Taking a side for once. And you turn around to say, what can you do? She’s your friend. Oh dear friend! I see that and hear that. Loud and Clear but who am I?

I tried to make this alright over and over again. I tried to not create a problem because I love you all too much to walk away. But today you give me no choice. I walk away because I couldn’t grow up with flash backs. I walk away for the same reason why you never bring the love of your life to our coffee. I walk away for the same reason why our almost gang member is never welcome into our gang today. I walk away for the exact same reason why once BFF was never invited for coffee today. I walk away because there is an inconsistency when you made a choice for everyone else but not me. I walk away today because unconsciously she never saw what an asshole her boyfriend was. I walk away today because unconsciously you all feel comfortable around a man who strip teased for me and never stopped bugging me.

In short and sweet, I walk away because you don’t understand neither sees my tears.

Justifying your act

We all scare ourselves for the Day of Judgment. The day when your judgments are based on real good and real bad. On this little planet, we get to act and justify your own bad doing.

But today, I stand here affirm, knowing I will not justify what I am doing. Because in this lifetime even the most precise decision of marriage and love was a chance I took. So why justify something uncertain and something worth a try.

Till this second, all he has been is sweet or maybe like you say he plays the field well. Till this very second, all he has been is incredibly dependable or maybe like you say he plays the girl-boy act well. Till this very second, all he has been is amazingly funny so I could linger my smile for him or maybe like you say the fun blinds me from everything else. Till this very second, he has been everything I want in a man except for the high class personality.

I judge him for the minor minutes I get with him, when he is a passionate person and not for the fun and outgoing person. I judge him for the respect he shows in me, when he is protective of me and not for the looks that makes him look carefree.

I am overwhelmed by living your dream, caring for you and wanting to make everything perfect and still holding onto the dreams and hopes. Phew! But I still am trying. You judge my life as high profile, deep down I am not. You judge my life overrated, deep down I am not. You judge my life as a failure, deep down I am not.

I don’t justify my wrong doings today not simply because I can’t but also for the reason that I wake up in the morning not knowing if I will survive the next 24 hours. The best decisions of my life have never been justified and had hurt me really bad; I still say those were the best even though the wounds still bleeds. It always rain when I don’t have an umbrella with me. I await the most important call when I do not have sufficient battery charge on my phone. Computer always crashes when I am most hyped for work. I always fall asleep for the best part of the movie.

So, let’s wait till judgment day when actual judgments are being made especially when neither of you can believe nor see the butterflies around me. This is not your life or your crap to worry. I rather be a man’s girl than tag a boy with me; you know which one you are even if everyone else thinks otherwise!

Jot for every kilometer from WalkMaldives Huvadhoo 2009

1.       Maldives is damn beautiful even without the luxury bungalows.

2.       My cousin, Mannu is extremely cool as a brother and as a friend.

3.       Sea cucumber is not always slivery but also of no use.

4.       Corals those are in white are dead, all others are alive. Take care of those.

5.       There are millions of types of seaweed in different shades of green.

6.       We have enough space for our population, it’s just tricky to utilise.

7.       There are many types of holidays and adventures in Maldives.

8.       Sun block is very important when we live in Maldives.

9.       “Battery” energy drink isn’t that bad plus it really gives energy.

10.   Stars a prettier without the moon and its amazing lying down a cluster of stars.

11.   I can live without my phone. YAY!

12.   Magnetism doesn’t happen between the perfect match.

13.   I deserve holidays like this more often and go wild with the fun side of life.

14.   I can survive with no toilets for 3 long days. Eeeeeew (I know)

15.   You can discover a million beaches like the beach on the movie beach in Maldives.

16.   Warm up exercises are really important if you wish to keep pain off you after 40km of walk.

17.   MNDF and Police staffs are not that gay after all (no offense).

18.   Caption of still pictures of life is really important as you would want to tell your grandchildren the story of your life.

19.   Walk walk walk is damn better than work work work.

20.   Mosquitoes love me even with the sign “don’t bite me”.

21.   I have to see all the atolls before I die.

22.   People from different profiles can hang out together despite everything.

23.   Don’t judge a book by its cover because you wouldn’t know the content unless you read it.

24.   There are a trillion things that we don’t know about our nation.

25.   Eels are not as scary as people say unless you disturb them.

26.   “Landayaa vaanee landayaa ah” is a phrase driven from a fish.

27.   There is a difference between fureytha and handi.

28.   Equator crosses down G.Dh. Atoll so we walked across equator.

29.   I can climb 100kilometers high and enjoy the mesmerizing moments of star.

30.   People at G.Dh Atoll are good people.

31.   People actually take bondibaih for dinner.

32.   Sunset and sunrise is an everyday beauty for Maldivians but we make the minimum use of it.

33.   Blackberries are grown in Maldives.

34.   You get feathers on your ass if you steal chickens, but no one knows what will happen if you steal lobsters.

35.   Nadella Antenna is a hallucination or maybe a mirage.

Old school love

Recently, a very dear friend was having a problem with the love of his life. Even though they aren't dating, they are something none of us can explain. I am the terrified yet excited with the vibe I find in them. Why don't they see it when I see it all around? Valuable is what I see in them; why blow it when you can make a fortune out of it. 

How do couples or people who cant name their relationships solve problems, I wonder? Is it OK if he or she goes silent when they actually need the partner? Is it OK if he or she completely tries to withdraw and the partner lets him or her withdrawn? I wonder, am I to cry on the shoulder of my boyfriend or silently in the corner of my room? Why a guy doesn't gets to hug the love of his life and forget about the troubles of life. Where's the beauty of sharing and being there for each other. Isn’t he or she the one who will make the world look great? Isn't he or she the one who will prove wrong of the unrighteously acted?

Why cant the movie type of resolving doesn't happen in real life? Why isn't the kiss and make up concept a real one? 

The beauty of someone wiping your tears off and making your love smile despite the wars and catastrophes are the beauty of being in love. Making a rainy day look like a sunny happy day and turning a rough road look easy if the magic of love. Why don’t two people who are madly in love with you understand this?

Well, I guess time has passed by when you no longer fight nor talk. It is the era where love is simply an attraction and not the full fledge package that turns your life from ash to gold. Days have passed, when you no longer belong into his or her life even though you love each other like Romeo and Juliet. Today, loving is merely a magnetism where you both do not want to lie down below the sky full of stars and tell each other nothing else matters. Today, relationship means you do errands for each other and that there are not emotions that could be run as errands. Today, life is yours alone and we all believe in independence but where the hell is the beauty of it.

And now I tell my dear friend and everyone who believes in space and time, "prove us all wrong". Stand up to be a man and be the man of her life. Let the woman be the concept queen. Let her forget independence and let you be her support in all scenarios.