Justifying your act

We all scare ourselves for the Day of Judgment. The day when your judgments are based on real good and real bad. On this little planet, we get to act and justify your own bad doing.

But today, I stand here affirm, knowing I will not justify what I am doing. Because in this lifetime even the most precise decision of marriage and love was a chance I took. So why justify something uncertain and something worth a try.

Till this second, all he has been is sweet or maybe like you say he plays the field well. Till this very second, all he has been is incredibly dependable or maybe like you say he plays the girl-boy act well. Till this very second, all he has been is amazingly funny so I could linger my smile for him or maybe like you say the fun blinds me from everything else. Till this very second, he has been everything I want in a man except for the high class personality.

I judge him for the minor minutes I get with him, when he is a passionate person and not for the fun and outgoing person. I judge him for the respect he shows in me, when he is protective of me and not for the looks that makes him look carefree.

I am overwhelmed by living your dream, caring for you and wanting to make everything perfect and still holding onto the dreams and hopes. Phew! But I still am trying. You judge my life as high profile, deep down I am not. You judge my life overrated, deep down I am not. You judge my life as a failure, deep down I am not.

I don’t justify my wrong doings today not simply because I can’t but also for the reason that I wake up in the morning not knowing if I will survive the next 24 hours. The best decisions of my life have never been justified and had hurt me really bad; I still say those were the best even though the wounds still bleeds. It always rain when I don’t have an umbrella with me. I await the most important call when I do not have sufficient battery charge on my phone. Computer always crashes when I am most hyped for work. I always fall asleep for the best part of the movie.

So, let’s wait till judgment day when actual judgments are being made especially when neither of you can believe nor see the butterflies around me. This is not your life or your crap to worry. I rather be a man’s girl than tag a boy with me; you know which one you are even if everyone else thinks otherwise!