e-Cry

Crying is a mean of letting go pressure, stress and soothing your body. Giving it a relieve of pain. Lately, I haven’t done it for awhile, and like any other human being, I have a desire to let it go. I am taking a chance and considering if it works on black and white instead of wet tears down my cheek, ruining my make up.

Life have been pretty much sucked up over the last couple of months even though there are few people who wish to open up for me, which I don’t intend to do. Messy, dark, empty, miserable and shadowy even if no one knows. I am at a stage where everyone is moving so fast down the horizon and I am way too behind to catch up. But somehow I try to yell out “wait up” but either its not loud enough or they simply don’t mind.

I am the kind of person who wouldn’t want to confess being in love or being sad. But since this is crying in words, I would like to spill out a couple of my annoyance stuff. When I feel giddy in the morning, I hold back my tears knowing there is none to call. When I really want to have a cup of espresso in the afternoon, I don’t want to call the people who’ve given me an open invitation. When I want to call and tell my best friend that I am having a fling with another girl’s man, I hesitate because they all will think I am still the bitch I used to be even if I tell them that I am having a heavy heartbeat and blood rushes when with him. When I want to call in a girl’s night in, I know its not going to happen, because I am the only looser single who’s way too mature to understand puppy love.

Is it just wrong to be a great sister, who looks over you? Would you also take me as the sister that you never had. Is it wrong to be a best friend, even after everything we’ve gone through? Would you still take me as a friend and not a slut? Is it wrong to be the brave, young, independent, mature woman and daughter after screwing up my pride? Would you still understand me?

How many of us are there? I wonder? I take people from here and there. Still, none is like me. Either they have everything I have plus something else or they have everything that I don’t have. So jealous I could be. But why do they still come and tell me I am everything a girl wants to be.

All the above, everything I wrote, might not make any sense because a human being cries not to make sense, but to let go off all the rubbish they’ve collected in their head and minds. People cry because from time to time, they want some attention. And readers, don’t judge for being such a cry baby because I AM NOT. Research shows that a woman will cry 5 times monthly, but I haven’t cried for a very long time, in fact, I don’t remember when I cried last.

Sob Sob…. This is my cry in black and white.