Not so good moments

Everyone has their own moments that some consider as freeze or escape or I don’t know (some of them has customized name for such moments). These are instants when you feel like you are left alone and there is no human like you in this world or even in you. These are flashes when you feel like running away from, hibernating from, crying loud to and escaping from.

Few nights back I had a coffee with “A” class fellows and a girl. For a moment I was in the right place with them with the feeling of belongingness, it felt so much like a comfortable sofa. The next, it was the kind of moment that you want to dash from. The only reason why I wanted to run from this pretty wonderful picture is that I feared that the rest of my life is going to be as such “A” class as I by no means want it to be.

I walk down the road, I freeze. I don’t know whether to walk ahead or stop. I don’t know whether to turn back or to run faster. Few hours ago I had a moment as such when I ran into the certain someone, who I’m not sure if I should believe in any more. This time the world around me wasn’t frozen because I feared that the rest of my life will be haunted by him. This certain moment froze because I felt so much like a looser. I was the same as 7 years ago when everything around me slowly evolved and progressed to be a better form.

I have my escape moments almost daily. When you are so screwed up and the only way you can release the tension is by tears, you want to hold that moment, breathe heavily and let go off the tension. At sleep you dream of the perfect life you always dreamt of and deep down I want to pause it and live in it not for the rest of the sleep but also to the rest of my life.

These moments are often moments, when you learn things. When these miserable, mourning and difficult moments happen, most people lose hope although I learn. However, there are a million times in every second that I wish such moments not to happen. There are a trillion times in every second that I wish if I had a dream on 6:27pm, 20th April 2009 or 05:59pm, 19th April 2009 or 10:43pm, 26th January 2009 or 10:08 am, 10th November 2008.